Unbelievable

“Did you see the debate last night?  All that stuff he said? Rosie O’Donnell!”

This is hilarious. I can’t wait to see what else is coming.

“Did you see his “Low Energy” commercial on Twitter? So funny. I can’t wait for more debates.”

“He made fun of Rand Paul. He teased Carly Fiorina about her appearance. He just says and does whatever; guy does not give a fuck!”

I can’t believe he’s saying all this stuff on national television. 

“He said what about John McCain?”

Damn, this is probably where it ends. Same as Al Sharpton and Herman Cain. Thanks for playing. 

“Can you believe he’s still winning? I just wonder who it’ll actually be once this is all over.”

Hopefully Marco! Better than the rest! Not Christie, not Cruz, definitely not Kasich. 

“What if he actually won the primary? Imagine!”

Lol. 

“That’s it, he lost Iowa. Wow I’ve never seen him so conciliatory. Surprising.”

I’m low-key disappointed. I wanted this show to continue, it’s so funny to talk about at work every day. Well, it always had to end sometime. 

“He did what in New Hampshire?”

Good lord, Marco got 5th?

“I cannot believe he keeps winning state after state.”

If it’s not Marco, then it’s Ted. Those are the only realistic options. 

“This debate is pathetic. Imagine people in foreign countries watching this. It’s embarrassing.”

Marco and Ted keep splitting votes. But one of them has to win. Guess it’s gonna be Ted. Geezus. 

“Aunt Chris, you work for a Congressman, you always have the inside scoop. Who’s gonna be the nominee? Wait. What? Actually? Seriously? I still just can’t imagine it.”

Perspective shift. This is getting real. We are squandering such a great opportunity. She is so beatable and we’re going to roll over and die with the ex-Apprentice host?  She’ll win by 10 points. 

“Dude did you see? He won Wisconsin. Ted is about to announce he’s dropping.”

What?! This doesn’t feel real. This hasn’t sunk in. How??

“He’s revealing his nickname for her tomorrow.  Buckle up.”

He’s so blatant about making fun of people. A master manipulator. There’s no way this stuff actually works….right?

“He’s riding a post-convention poll boost.  Wait, he said what about the Khans? I know them! Their son was in UVA ROTC, they hosted us at their house every semester. Look, Mr. Khan is on CNN!”

This has been funny and all, but this makes me sick. He is spineless.

“Did you see the debate last night? He’s so full of shit, every answer is so superficial. Remember when he said ‘You’d be in jail’? Unbelievable, he just does not care. Hilarious.”

People must be seeing the contrast. It’s so entertaining but people have got to realize, I would imagine. 

“Did you hear what he said? An old tape, 2005. Oh my God. I mean, he’ll probably drop out. Pence? Cruz? Paul Ryan just condemned him.”

It’s over. That’s it. What an idiot. But I’m not even surprised.

“Nikita, why are you so stressed about tomorrow? You shouldn’t be. She is going to win. It’s that simple. She already won.”

FiveThirtyEight is back up to 75% for her, even though they dipped down to 68 last week. Whatever, there’s no way.

“4:45pm PT? I gotta go quickly. By the time I get home and everyone comes over, Florida will probably be called and that’ll be it.”

I hope they don’t call it too soon. Let us enjoy the night first.

“Florida still hasn’t been called. Wait, turn it up, Wolfe has an update. What? Florida, North Carolina, Ohio, Virginia?  Wisconsin, New Hampshire, and Michigan?! What??!!”

For the first time in 18 months, I actually believe, deep down, the unthinkably impossible might occur. 

“NYT has him up to 54%! Wait, now it’s 77%.  91%?!”

What?! How, what, no, there’s no way this is real life, what?!

“They’re waiting on Philly, but she’d still have to come back in Wisco and Michigan.”

“She called him to concede!?! Check CNN. He’s about to speak. This is un-believable.”

Never, ever, ever, ever, ever did I think this was possible. We would joke about it and laugh about shit he said but I am stunned. Floored. This is the most shocking event to occur in my lifetime. This doesn’t even feel real. It’s like we’re in the wrong parallel universe. This one hilarious, offensive, unserious, unintelligent, bombastic blowhard singlehandedly altered the course of the universe with some Tweets. 

“Siri, search Google for books on Determinism.”